New year, new beginnings. Sure enough, there were new beginnings that came. Along with it as always, are tests of strength. 

When mom passed away, the immediate concern was my special brother. The first few months were filled with fears, worries and tears. After a few months, we found a reliable care giver. We now consider her as our family. We would not have made it without her. She was our answered prayer. 

A few more trials came in 2022. Me and my special brother became COVID positive. Everyone was worried of my brother, who was never given clearance for COVID vaccine. With the help of a few people, including the kindness of Jackie and Kiko, we survived. I remember, writing somewhere, it was the happiest day of my life.  My brother surviving COVID was enough blessing. 

A few months after, my brother had crying episodes we can't understand. We consulted a gastroenterologist, which didn't eliminate his pain. I inquired to a Physical Therapist, who led me to a very accommodating Rehab doctor. It was another small win for me and my Dad.

Christmas came, we had another problem. He had edema. After taking the medications from the initial consultation, nothing happened. We waited for a few weeks, my brother improved.

It was only now when I realized, all these happened in a span of one year. 

2023 was a healthier year for my brother. We thought we can already handle everything on the succeeding year. 

And 2024 came, we had our first emergency trip to the hospital. In the middle of a work day, I received the most frightening phone call after my mom's death. 

It was my first trip to the emergency room, with my brother as the patient. I'll spare the details, but the experience gave me more fears and worries. I became more restless. I felt so defeated. It was one of those days when I wished I still had a mom. I wish I worked harder and became a better provider. I wish things were different. 

They say that pains, trials and challenges, will change you. It will make you stronger and as they say, resilient. But at this point, I'm way far from being transformed. 

If there's anything, I'm thankful for the support system. They deserve another post. We would not have made it this day without them. 

I still feel weak and defeated. We are still waiting for positive results. But as always, I'm holding on. Everything will be better. 

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March 11, 2024

My brother survived. The ride from the hospital to our home was one of the most memorable. I still have fears and tears I've been keeping. Yet at the end of the day, I'm grateful that we made it as a family.