What is it with the month of March?



I always have the most memories during this month. Four years ago, it marked the start of the nationwide lockdown in the Philippines. What we thought as a week long break extended to months then years. My past social media posts were mostly the situation at home and grocery trips with my father. 

 Two years ago, memories of my stint as one of the lead persons at the workplace's Gender and Development activities from 2022 to 2023 also surfaced. I also had the usual program accreditation work. But the one I'll never forget is the first hospitalization of my brother without my mother. 

A year ago, I remember asking the pulmonologist, is there a chance that my brother will have another bout of aspiration pneumonia? He said yes, but at that time, gratefulness overpowered me. We made it as a family and that was more than enough.  

On the first month of the year,  it happened again. My brother's second hospital admission was worse because we needed a neurologist. We survived again as a family. We went home, feeling grateful. This time though, the feeling of relief was immediately replaced with growing fears. 

Halfway February, I noticed my brother's pulse rate went as low as 48 bpm. He also had two separate incidents of seizures. I was beginning to feel nervous of the possibility of another trip to the Emergency Room. We ended with a consultation that advised us to settle for observation. 

Before February ended, my auntie (sister of my mother) celebrated a milestone birthday. I gave her a gift, which later brought painful pinches in my heart. I no longer have a mom. My own mother would have been the happiest, had she received the same gift. I was controlling my tears in front of my cousins. A few days after, I dreamt of my mother and late paternal grandmother. They were both smiling, while I was holding my brother. Whatever that means, I ended visiting them both. 

As always, days passed, with all the worries, small successes and perfect little moments in between. It gets easier with a support system. 

While everything else remain uncertain, I'm holding on to prayers and the strength to continue. In the most perfect time, I believe everything will get better.